The worst thing about living with depression is the nagging feeling at the corner of your brain because all of a sudden NOTHING amuses you anymore. You don’t want to write, you don’t want to get dressed, don’t want to do your hair and makeup or go to school or work or see your friends. And when you manage to do all those things, you feel so accomplished and that kind of makes you feel pathetic because you’re surviving.
Society expects us to put forth this huge effort and constantly do AMAZINGLY WELL AT EVERYTHING WE TOUCH! But that shouldn’t be the case. I’m extremely proud of myself for just surviving when those moments come around and I wake up in the morning thinking, “I don’t want to exist right now.”
To be completely honest, I cling to an idealized idea of what I want to be. That’s often what gets me through when nothing else seems to do the trick. I wear some of my fun lipstick in dark pink or bright red. I wear one of my epic Men’s XL flannels and my cutest shorts/jeans. I get ready while listening to some pump-up music like Breathe Carolina, One Direction, or Eve 6. One band for every one of my corresponding moods: Sexy, silly, or kick ass.
Then, looking like I’m ready to star in an indie music video complete with bonfire and hammocking, I leave my house to do whatever it is I’m supposed to do. I love lipstick and flannel and boybands. They make the world a better place for me, personally.